deep sleep dreaming in an endless beige haze

i vaguely remember writing a blurb on my myspace blog (back when myspace was an acceptable form of social networking- like way over 18 months ago, umkay) about turning twenty-three. i think i wrote something about how turning twenty-three was like having a light switch turn on in my head...about how things just seemed to make better sense in my new, wise age. it is obvious to me now that i may never figure anything out. ever. and if i ever think i do, i should enjoy that misleading moment before the next onion layer is revealed to show my infinite ignorance. as much as i love being a student, that constant learning process (always new shades) is a bitch. one big, constant wave of misinformation, road bumps and paperwork. why is the universe spitting in your perfectly steeped tea, miss garrett?


i am half awake & being dramatic, of course, but after my long, deep sleep, i cannot stop imagining my life as a ridiculous max-like adventure that takes place only in my head/dreams with a persepoli view of my actual, working new yorker life. this week i have spent too much time wondering why the chinese government spends millions for clearing air pollution so that rich people in face masks can see an even pricier fireworks show?? and why i don't quit my job to document (comic book style) the upcoming third sequel of the presidential money-burning parade??? new villains! new side-kicks! (that is one rant i did not mind, jp)

or maybe im mz. fish.



la weekly is not even in my top ten, but this shit is funny & occasionally original.

there is one tall, skinny sliver of beige sky visible from my living room window. it is the worst view in my apartment, including the window in the kitchen that overlooks a poorly drained courtyard with miscellaneous toys, tools & toddlers scattered around. and still, the second-best thing i can imagine on a tuesday morning, while my soft boiled egg cools & i my caffeine addiction settles for spitless tea, is staring @ that beige sliver.

and i don't think it's because i'm dreaming of athens. on tuesday mornings, anyway.

not making a decision is a strong statement.

i like this guy's work.

i went swimming the great atlantic over the weekend. a uniter, not a divider. it is nice to go away for a while. even a short while, like the train-induced daydream or a prolonged shower. it is good to get away. the further i am away, the better i feel about getting back to being an observer. it is the participating that is trick here in new york city. participating is where the city gets you. i am envious of those who know how to do both. well. intermittently. only knowing observation or participation, but not both, is kind of like "understanding" ezra pound without understanding fascism or gertrude stein.



this morning was pretty fantastic. not only did i find an amazing produce stand on my way to work, but i got to work after reading the times piece on obama and listened to this. i had a completely different reaction than reading the transcript last night. that man can speak.

and, as much as a skeptic as i like to be, it is nice to think that things might start to change around here. that a black man can be our president- and a good one. good=better. it is embarrassing how outdated america already is. even so, today's train ride to work was like every other day. no one had a smile on their face except for the guy across from me who was jammin to a lil john song on his ipod. no one believed that last night changed anything. in fact, they probably didnt even know what happened. maybe they dont care either way. so for the next president, words mean shit. we will see what happens, but our ears are clogged. so much so that they dont even hear the fulton st platform nazi. unfortunately, im addicted to qtips.

let's see what happens

i read an article in this week's new yorker twice today. it is a non-objective, yet informative take on "true conservatism" from the nixon administration to the present. the first time i was distracted by george packer's obvious rants, but the second time i considered it more interesting. other than the obvious fluff, i enjoyed the more inconsistent view of republican support by evangelicals, neoconservatives, libertarians, young people and boomers. and then i realized that my political opinions are obvious too and that i am much more a product of my generation and my region of origin than i am usually ever willing to admit. so who can blame him. or me. or baby boomers who didnt experience free love, drugs & an attempt at civil rights or who were born again after the sixties, the ones who actually felt guilty not complying with military violence like their patriotic fathers. other than that, the article taught me, yet again, the impossibility of knowing what conservatism means these days....or what ideas like pat buchanan's (bush-hating pat buchanan) really mean. that man must wear flip flops in december because he is old and has hot flashes and rejects the fashion-saavy youth of today. the thing i partially successfully embrace as a republichater is the admiration for unwaivering stubborn defensiveness. after all, it is repetition that makes lincoln chaffee a traitor.



there is something about the word "believe" that i just dont trust.....

but maybe politicians have faith in more than their tax breaks and power affairs.

alexander aint got nothin.....

yesterday i had a yawning attack that lasted long enough for me to swallow a bug. it was the longest day. ever. but i got to see & smell the great state of new jersey and its turnpike (no portal exit, i was saddened to learn), as well as philadelphia (where i think- i think- ben franklin hung out for a while, the city will have you know.) i got a workout that pilates and yoga havent given me in nine years. i narrowly escaped death & sang out loud to rat fink. twice in a row. i got caught in a rainstorm. three times. i was given four free books that i did not ask for. i saw the second best handmade storm trooper costume that i have ever seen and learned that police officers cannot legally ask for your id on the street without a warrant or means for arrest. i stood in more than five lines. i thought about getting my face painted, but couldnt decide on a purple and orange dragon or a dancing strawberry. i stood by a vending machine with toys and gum in it and broke my favorite umbrella. my friend became a good friend over a game of twenty questions. i lost. i saw a man with a tooth fairy tattoo and drove around a round-about two full times. i failed at trying not to bite a peppermint. i turned down free orange juice but bought a three dollar lemonade. all in all, it was a good day. just long. the. longest day. ever.

today i ate soba noodles and remembered how yesterday was so long. you would think i am waiting for something.

do you see what happens?

i dont know what is wrong with me, but i have been obsessed with the same music for about a year now. i just cant move on.....maybe it is partially due to the fact that i am no longer in austin seeing new bands every week for free. damn, that was nice. my ipod is seriously lacking a fresh outlook on life. help me out, psizzz!



i know im the one who is usually skeptical, but im gonna go out on a limb & say that carlos ghosn is on to something....or at least he has a good goal. listen to a story about his speech here. you will have to scroll down on the player. go nissan! someone must have taken the word "electric" out of the naughty word dictionary. desperate times....

i keep getting confused with all the figures that are thrown at me when i read the news each morning. $20 million (the amount of hillary clintons campaign debt as of last friday- no interest included). $500,000 (the amount bush is giving to myanmar). $16.7 billion (china's current trade surplus). $2.50 (the cost of my veggie dumpling lunch in chinatown today- i read that on google news). $2 billion (estimated cost of the new venezuelan-russian military agreement). i remember when $1 million was the biggest amount of money i could comprehend. ah, how cute. i hear $1m will buy me a fresh pastry in prague these days. one illegal arms deal & i am set for dumplings for the rest of my life (and those of my great, great grandkids).




ian mcewan

myanmar is not a chocolate bar.

i missed you. all three of you. but get off my back, already. im a busy girl & you arent paying me.
for no reason other than the fact that i was going to (finally) post something today anyway.....

i thought i would give you a little input into my hero for the week, miz victoria woodhull. this chick was rad. and if the dresses she wore werent so constricting, i would say she'd make a pretty badass action figure. talk about someone who reeeeeally stood for progress. barack who?

ooooh, THAT guy. you know, as far as the whole election thing goes, i feel as though i have come full circle. i used to think big ears had all the answers, back at the last dnc. then he just annoyed me. now, i think he is doing alright with what he has been handed. all in all, i think there is no golden prez, so we may as well go with the answer that best attempts to acknowledge the following statement:

we are screwed.

a. shoes
b. orange juice
c. golf

everybody knows golf is our only hope.

sometimes i feel as though life is like a good zombie movie & our only sources of joy are dennis hopper's creepiness & sky flowers. (thanks, noy.)

i read this article by the wc team yesterday about gin & television. so on my way to work this morning, as i walked through a crowd of zombies, i wondered: are we really waking up from our tv-induced haze? or is tv telling us we are? i can get on my high horse and preach the way of the last remaining live humans, but i am a zombie, too. my chosen poison may be a bit more subtle, but i have been bitten by the bug of convenience & luxury just as much as the LOST fanatics. a wise man once told me that no glass is half full or empty. it just has some liquid in it.

TOAST. art. bike. tribeca. film.

i love garfield. minus garfield. especially today.

today it was HOT. and kind of worrisome. now, i am always looking for an excuse to worry, so this should not be surprising. however, if it is 80 degrees in a concrete jungle in april. i am terrified of august. not just the blackouts. but the heat, too. and im from texas. seriously.

i am going to this, this weekend. and on monday there is a lecture on jazz aesthetics that sounds interesting. and free. mostly free. but also a little interesting. oh, how i love the goethe.

(internationally,) the biggest news story today was NOT clintons win in pa- GASP!- but o i l. thats right, oil. i can literally hear bob dylan telling me that times really are a-changin. you & i & everyone we know are going to need to jump on selling drugs. immediately.

but for now, i am going (sparks not included) to go on a sunset walk across the bridge to the burbs.