racists unite!

hahahaha....i am sitting in a coffee shop in prospect heights trying not to laugh too loud. my sister is funny. and i would like to thank her for being the ONLY person to, not only read, but comment on my blog. thanks, sister. i dont even think you meant to say "bit" butts, but it made it all the funnier. the keys are too close together, ive always said ;)

so i have been frequenting this particular coffee shop this week because it sells AMAAAZING loose leaf jasmine tea (current obsession), but the late 90's pop music (no grunge) that they play constantly is k i l l i n g me. acoustic guitar, whiney white boys. many of the songs, the one-hit-wonders, who are all-but impersonating oasis and green day, are live recordings- some acoustic. this playlist makes the scarce counting crows or cranberries song a welcomed break. i cant believe i just wrote that last sentence. but, no, i keep telling myself, the jasmine tea is worth it. and it is. to go.
which brings me to my next rant....where the hell is the late night coffee shop in brooklyn? the only ones i have found are gorilla and atlas. every other decent coffee shop seems to close at 7,8,9. what is going on here? i might have to stop by spider house and epoch in austin around 2am on a tuesday and apologize for taking them for granted.
common misconception #452: just because youre in the big city, tex, doesnt mean these people know how to make a proper latte. yes, just another example of my insanely high expectations of this move (many of which have had their tops blown, others shockingly disappointing). i cant tell you how many people have argued with me about lattes. ive had people give me drip coffee, tell me it is a latte, after i saw him put the steamed milk in the drip coffee, which he then denied and asked me to pay $7 for; ive had them put in half a shot of espresso with steamed milk and argue that the difference between a cappuccino and a latte are that a latte is half a shot and a cappuccino a whole; then there was the asshole who JUST gave me steamed milk! a cup of steamed milk. surely, i told myself while rushing to catch my bus, there is espresso at the bottom. now, i know what you are thinking. be fair; every single one of these occurrences resulted in steamed milk, a good 3/4ths of a proper latte. but let me tell you. not the important part of a latte. a big ass cup of steamed milk is NOT refreshing, warm or revitalizing. in fact, im pretty sure it made me feel reeeeeal sick. so pity be gone. im over the new yorker-prone arguing-for-the-sake-of-arguing stance. no wonder our president is such a douche bag. who is going to argue with someone caraaaaaazy enough to say that things are going well- "victoriously"- in our current legal conflict. a latte is only supposed to be half a shot, you say? daaaaamn, youz so crazy iz be believinz yous.

i just lived through the acoustic version of creeds hit arms wide open. you may be asking yourself, "h o w????" well, there is a very loud espresso machine right by my head and it saved me from the first 3.25 minutes. and they keep doing sneaky things like playing george harrison every now and again. a temporary fix to the next dave matthews song. if i end this post abruptly, it is only because i got to my breaking point, jumped up, my boss' laptop smashing on the ground as i throw my scolding hot tea at the barista, interrupting his word-for-word sing-a-long & get the hell out of here.

but for now....i will tell you that my love affair with someecards is up and running again. if i could figure out how to post multiple pictures on this damn thing, then i would post this, this and probably this one, too.

i am not a democrat. i am not easily convinced that anyone who has affiliation with an established political party in america, at this point in history, is sane. i think i have made this clear in many ways, but perhaps i am wrong. i do not see a very significant difference between democrats and republicans. they live in the same gated communities, enjoy the same tax breaks & high powered criminal defense attorneys, among other things/prostitutes. however, in ideology and on paper (according to the platforms they claim to, but never really follow), i would probably most agree with democrats over republicans. when in doubt or exhaustion, go with the pocketbook. i also hope that anyone (which is no one) reading this blog knows that i am young and stupid, trying to figure things out and not making sense while doing it. the reason i write this anyway, is because im pretty sure you are equally stupid- haha, just kidding, but at least to get a conversation going.
so there is an email going around about michelle obamas princeton thesis. i barely have enough energy to address this, because i LOATHE everything about american politics and the media that is making this celebrity tour of an election such a friggin ordeal so much that i dont want to give it attention. but, alas, people are star struck and want to gossip. i dont know that the writer of the particular emails i received would gain anything by reading my opinion, because we are not made up of any similar parts. but...
first of all, if there is anyone in this country who thinks that americans are not racist, then they should get the, congratulations, you have reached a level of delusional observation that makes the popular myth of marie antoinettes character equal to that of mother teresa award. or maybe it is just me and pretty much, in some way, every person i have encountered in my entire life that are racist, and it just happens to be that i have met all the racist americans, but everyone i have not met is completely, 100% not racist. yeah, that is probably it. now, one thing that people forget when thinking about or discussing this topic is that people are racist, and that could be where the confusion is. so, let me clarify: PEOPLE (meaning you and me and everyone else) are RACIST (meaning we do not truly believe that all races are equal, whether it is intentional or not, learned behavior or innate). one thing that makes this fact more understandable is that PEOPLE (meaning you and me and everyone else) SUCK (meaning, like, are not cool, man).
seriously though, people do not understand equality. equality is a theory that we pretend to understand and practice, but really, we practice selfishness. there are martyrs out there, sure, but even they seem to give their lives (or whatever it is that they are giving up) for a "greater" cause that they believe they understand and you dont, or they believe they will reap some reward in the end (ive never heard of a martyr who thinks that death is the end). it is sad to think that we are all assholes, but even the most optimistic christian will tell you that we are all sinners. we can strive to be (and get pretty damn good at being) selfless, but if we do, it isnt natural- it is forced. my friend ezra just read what i am writing and said that i am cynical, that he would help an old lady cross the street, but he is missing the point. he would get gratification of doing a good deed. and he would only do it if he had the time. if he were rushing to meet a hot girl, he would feel guilty about not helping the old lady out for a split second, rush by her, and never think of the instance again as soon as he saw the hot girl. he is rolling his eyes.
so as long as we are selfish by nature, there will be racism. because racism is a form of selfishness. just as sexism, ageism, classism, whatever ism it is to look down upon other religions/denominations, country etc will always exist. basically, i cant get into your head because language only takes us so far and you and i have had different experiences. so, i dont understand you. i do, however, understand myself (most of the time). so when you do something i dont understand or that i wouldnt do, you are weird. you are weird because you are a man and i am a woman, because you are religious and i am not, because you sleep under a bridge and get ignored on the street, while i have an overpriced apartment and could get a ride home from a stranger. i am incapable of understanding how you think and what you are going through. and selfish enough to care, but not take it upon myself to make you my personal responsibility. or if i do, then that is nice, but you are not the only man, religious follower or homeless person. the idea is not to ignorantly think we can rid ourselves of these feelings (or for gods sake think we already have), but to level things out so that we are educated enough to know we all have a tendency to be an asshole, that we have "reasoning"/experience behind our actions and thoughts, and that we will go nowhere fighting each other...that a suicide bomber doesnt just equal a bad person, black and white, who deserves to die. there is a reason he or she is willing to die. im sure if others made an attempt to understand how/what that person was thinking/feeling, others would not want to put said suicide bomber in the desperate position he/she must be in. is it a new phenomenon that people act out of fear? americans fear terrorists, just as jihads do. we differ in who the terrorist is. but maybe ignorance just makes us feel better about committing murder. that is why javier bardems character in no country for old men bothered me. yea, it is cool that he was terminator-esque and all, but i dont think that serial killers just kill because they are killers who think killing is fun. go ahead and roll your eyes, but he probably didnt have a great upbringing, now did he. maybe we should put a little effort into making sure people have better quality of life so they are less inclined to commit murders like handsome javier. but i digress.....in america, due to a little thing called slavery, a prominent type of selfishness happens to take form as racism between black and whites, which overshadowed a whole bunch of criminal immigrants in ghettos in new york in the, well, watch that movie with daniel day lewis, cause i dont have the energy...
[the more i think about that email, the more pissed i get that some ignorant shithead thinks there is no racism in america! i bet if pill head limbaugh rote that thesis, they would have sent one out praising it. that is obviously as much thought that was put into it. anyway....this isnt about michelle obama. i dont know her or care to. maybe that dumbass thinks the way he or she does because they are stupid and not equal to me. haha, just kidding.]
now, im not trying to make dave chapelles jokes any less shocking and educational, but there are blacks who dont like whites and whites who dont like blacks. if people think being a racist means you say it out loud, then sure, we have grown up since segregation and the kkk. but a disapproving glance at a mixed race couple, a well dressed white person walking by a homeless black man, a moment of tension when a black man is behind you on the street at night, a white woman getting helped before a black woman in a store are all examples of racism. most forms, i think, are ones we dont even realize and have everything to do with being inside our comfort zones too long. once upon a time there was a boy named mikey and mikey had a dog. mikey tied his dog up, ignored it, beat the dog when it barked to protect him or whined for attention, rarely fed it and almost worked it to death. that dog was pretty capable of messing mikey up. and one day, when the dog got loose, it messed mikey up. real bad. if you were that dog, wouldnt you? and im guessing that dog didnt like anyone who resembled mikey. in fact, it wouldnt be far fetched to think that dog didnt really trust anybody (dog or human) ever again. i think if i were that dog, id go after mikeys family. but thats just me. most dogs and humans dont necessarily want to hurt other people or dogs. i think they just want the ability to live a good life. (if you know me, you know that i am part dog and that this analogy makes sense to me) ever see the movie monster? well i did, and that bitch was crazy. not because she took a crazy pill, but because life handed her a raw deal that slowly and gradually lead her to crazy and she didnt have the tools or social infrastructure to adequately get back to not-crazy. now it is a nice thought to just say, "well, im not crazy. i dont go off killing people and my life hasnt been easy." but i think we all have our levels of crazy and maybe you are lucky because yours is mild depression and apathy. but maybe, due to the deal life has handed you, you do more to make others crazy than yourself. there is a gelato place in the lower east side that has over two hundred flavors. some of them are nasty, some of them are amazing, some of them i will never get to try because i go back to my favorites. but they all give me wicked brain freeze.
im sure you are wondering what the hell gelato has to do with michelle obamas thesis, and the answer is very little. but whether it is in texas or in new york, there are sections of town where people tend to live with others who are like them. why? because they are more likely to understand each other and share the same values, while people outside of those bubbles dont understand. guess what, those bubbles perpetuate the problem, and violence occurs where the bubbles collide. but the good new is that selfishness can be exploited. people tend to be better to each other inside their bubbles, because they get the feeling that making that bubble secure is good for them personally. i guess this means we should just widen our ideas of a safe bubble and stop being assholes to each other. but since no one is reading this and we are still living in a society where ridiculous emails are being sent to secure our ghetto walls, i say to the person who thinks that michelle obama, via the thesis she wrote as a college student years ago, is a threat to american comfort by acknowledging that people are fiercely protective of the ghettos that understand them and are unlikely to move outside them, my bubblist advice is to go to your house in the suburbs, grab some tasty italian food at your local olive garden, tune into culture and reality through a blockbuster dvd with others like you, pretend that racism doesnt exist and that european prisoners (your ancestors) werent shipped to the colonies. the skewed social views you continue to believe and endorse are helping to build the argument to the conflict you claim has been rectified; the people who are most negatively effected by those views may be docile and tired now, but they are hungry and neglected and ready to fight back.